How to Hate Yourself and Do a Suicide: Complete Guide

Step one: getting along with the ideas

So, first thing you gonna do, is to start a 1 year marathon of non-stop thinking that you won’t success in future. Remember – you are stupid, and you don’t know anything. If you know a lot of things, you have to understand, that all that knowledge is completely useless, and won’t give you anything in future. I will give you a few minutes to get used to that thought. 

[2 minutes later]

Don’t celebrate any holidays, because: 1. They are completely useless, 2. it is basically a waste of time, and 3. it is a useless waste of money, and you will gonna need that money in future, because you are going to be no one, and you will need money for some drugs to call an overdose. It’s not that hard, believe me, I know.

Okay, guys, good job, nice, now when you got along with an idea that you will be nothing, analyze the passed year: what did you do? Nothing. You did something? Congrats, it’ll be useless for future. Remember one more thing, this is will be a bit more difficult, but you have to understand, that there is no god, and no one will help you. Okay, now you won’t be able to sleep or relax, because all the time you will be thinking of suicide, but we are too poltroon to do a suicide, so we will be just thinking of it. REMEMBER: NO SUICIDE. You have to suffer. It is your holy debt and responsibility, so forget about an actual suicide. Think of this 365 days every year.

Step two: pathetic tries

Now, you have to understand, that you still have time. Try to do something. Select a profile, choose a final destination and try to achieve it. So, to be nothing and nobody in the same time (idk what am I talking about), you must not success in anything you are trying to learn or understand, but this guide, of course. Okay, now, when you see that you have around 2 or 3 years to end the school and pass all the exams, you have to understand that you are hopeless, and anyways, no matter how bad you try, you won’t pass those final exams, and you will not be able to enter any university.

This topic was a bit short, because I wanted to show you a pathetic try to wright a long topic, or at least anything with sense.

Step three: most popular types of suicide

Okay, I am so sorry that you are as hopeless and useless as me, and you can’t do anything with it, so you and me, my comrade, are going to kill ourselves in a month or another, so prepare mentally. Live your last weeks, go do something good, kill our president, for example. For more atmospheric passing of time, I recommend you to buy some cigarettes, whiskey, and download Bitard671’s and Morphine’s discography. Light the cigarette, turn on Bitard671’s or Morphine’s songs (from Morphine I recommend such compositions as The Night, Let’s Take a Trip, Take Me With You,  Early to Bed and Cure for Pain for the finest atmosphere).

Now here you go some easy ways of suicide:

1    Overdose. Well, you know, the most filmographic and stupid way to end your life. You will have to drink a lot of drugs for sleeping, and wait around 4-6 hours while some organs will stop working, and you will choke and suffer your last hours. This is the most stupid way to kill yourself. I don’t recommend this way.

2   Cutting your veins off: not the worst way to kill yourself. Cut your veins off, wait around 15-25 minutes, and you are done. This is budgetary way to end your life, because you are going to spend like 15 cents, or something, to buy a razor. That’s all.

3  I believe you can fly: jump from a high place. This is kind of egoistic way to end your life, because you can insult some children showing them all your colorful inside life. From the other side, this is nice lesson of physics and biology, so go on, buddy, I believe in you.

4   .50 Express Action: this is my favorite way of suicide, all you need to do, is to find 750 euro, buy a Desert Eagle, sit more comfortable, aim to your head and pull the trigger. Nice brains, dude.

5   Rope: tie your neck with a strong rope, and strangle yourself. I actually tried, and that hurts, anyway, it won’t hurt for a long time, so don’t worry.

Well, this is the most mostest most used methods of suicide, if you know anything easier and shorter way to kill yourself, please feel free to comment and tell other hopeless people to know about it.

How far can you go?

First time I talked to someone who knew how to use a magic thing called brain was my father, and first we talked maturely when I was 7. We were talking about chess and about some life stuff that was so strange for me back in 2006. And even then I was thinking about religion, asking questions but not getting the answers. Later I realized that nobody has the answers, so about a year or two later, after a lot of time I was thinking about religion, and the cause of people believed in something, which existence was not proved I became an atheist.

So, at the age of 9 my father sent me an encyclopedia in Russian and I started reading about our body and brain construction (still remember that the most interesting chapter was the chapter about visual delusions) and started talking to a lot of people that knew a lot about human body and brain I was lucky I have an uncle who is a doctor, and a father who knows a lot about religion, chemistry and physics, so I could satisfy my curiosity.

Some time later, after 7 books about science, 0.3 books of a delirium called religion, 2 books about art, a book of history of machines and guns and 3 books which helped in improving my English a lot, I’ve got a thing called internet. Well, I didn’t actually know what to do with it, but I knew how to download games and some applications, like Adobe Photoshop 2.0. I downloaded 2 games about Pink Panther which once again helped me to improve my Russian. So, I could speak Russian as well. My Russian was really-really bad, but at least I could talk to human beings from another point of the earth. So I started to talk to a lot of Russians. Actually at the age of 5 I already knew Russian and could understand as well, but I couldn’t talk in Russian as slightly as now or when I was 13, so. Yeah.

Now a bit about my English progress way. So I was a 9 years old kid, I was at the third grade, all the school stuff was really boring, and I still remember that I was arguing with our art teacher. Once when I was watching TV, I saw a strange-looking family. The TV series called The Simpsons was broadcasted in English with English subtitles. My mother knew English well, so she translated for me a couple of series, after which I associated Lisa with me, and started learning English to understand that wonderful TV series. I had the best English teacher in the world, her name was miss Esta. Pity I don’t know her full name, we just called her miss Esta. Lusine MLKE and me knew English better than the others in our class, so I was in competition with her all the time, but she was way better than me. So I was trying harder. Well, it appeared I talked to people in English as well. My English knowledge were pathetic, but I had stimulation: I had a goal and I wasn’t going to surrender.

At the age of 10 I saw Lisa playing saxophone, and I really liked that musical instrument, so I’ve entered musical school and started my saxophone classes. I liked the instrument a lot, so I wasn’t going to leave my musical hobby on the halfway. Some time later I’ve found a guy in our school who also went to saxophone classes, sometimes I talked to him about… Guess what? If you didn’t you probably have some brain defects. Sorry for that.
…So, now I had a nice circle of communication, and the internet, so I could find out anything I want. I was reading a lot about some science stuff. At the age of 14 I started to read about psychology, and that was a period when being a psychology expert and everybody went like “OH. MY. GOD. Did you see that?! He scratched his neck! What could it mean?! It’s impossible that his neck was just itchy, I think he is going to hack pentagon servers and kill the president of the USA. Damn I’m smart.”. Later I started to read more about neurobiology and learning by heart properties of some hormones like dopamine, serotonin and other neurotransmitters. And this is the way of my progress. A little percentage of it, because I didn’t talk about all the books that I have read like Richard Dawkin’s The God Delusion or Dante Alighieri’s The Divine Comedy.

Highlights | Pull the Trigger!

A bit about influence on pupil

I can not completely agree with the statement that classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child's success in school. In this essay I will first focus on the reasons why I agree with this statement and then list a few points why from my opinion in some cases is not true.

From the one side, classmates have a significant influence on child's behavior and his or her success in school. First of all, children spend much time at school. Classmates have many things in common such as age, interests, homework and classes after all. So, they discuss their impressions about a new teacher, solve problems together, learn their homework, gain new knowledge and experience and even make their own discoveries. Sharing all these makes them closer. Some of them become friends and they spend after-school time together. In addition friends tend to copy each other's habits and manners. For instance, my little sister became friends with the girl who did not have good grades at school at that time. It does not mean she could not have better grades; she just had many friends who did not care about their grades. So, when they started to spend their time together and share their interests, girl's grades improved. They did their homework together, shared their dreams and exciting moments. From this point I must agree that classmates can change child’s attitude towards school.

From the other side, parents have a great influence on children' success in school too. For example if parents show an interest in their child's progress and talk to him or her about the importance of learning I think their child will listen to them and do his or her best.

Personally, I believe that relationships between parents and a child play an essential role in child's success in school. If these relationships are close and wholehearted I am sure that parents should not be afraid of bad influence from the outside.
//ACHTUNG! COMPLETE DOMINATING AND HUMILIATING ANSWER!//

Complete delirium of a dilettante. Absolutely no knowledge about children psychology. Everything depends on the social status of a child in the school or class. For example, if you think, that someone is smart, you respect him and you want to be like him, or else you are not a person and you just imitate whatever he does, and he says that smoking is really really bad, because you will get a cancer and die, then you will be like “Mah’god, this guy is pretty smart. I guess, I agree with him”, but things like this are getting sick with the time, when with the times passing you start to listen to him in every god damn question, without checking or even trying to simply analyze what is that guy saying. Whatever he says, he is right, because he can’t be wrong. For example you can bring me a saint padre here, and no matter how scientific and strong my arguments will be, he will say that it’s all god’s will. And really, I respect the one who started all this mess with religion, because he was manipulating genius, and he knew what was he doing. And like this, people trust and believe other people with higher social status than their own, because believe, that one day they will be as “great” as them.

What about parent’s influence on children, it was wrought with such an… utopian way, like the only thing that motivates a 12 years old kid to do his boring homework is a pair of sweet words from his parents. No, it’s not how you do it. It’s not how it works. You have to understand what is interesting for your child, like skateboarding, or something, and then you say if he will get higher grades, you will buy for him a new cool skateboard with a half-nude woman on it’s deck or whatever is interesting for today’s children, and guess what. That’s not all, you can’t just manipulate a child saying “I will buy you a new skateboard, if you will get a higher grade in your quarter-semester” or something. You have to understand, is he really going to get perfect grades a year for a new skateboard? Probably not. So the limit have to be not that long, but not too short. About a month, or something. Also remember, that after that month, he probably will get used to get perfect grades. As the much is his slavery’s limit, as something delicious and expensive you have to get for him, it has to have a geometrical progress.

Also boy’s friendship is not like girls, and that’s a long theme to talk, so I’m not going to explain you the difference. Deal with it.

Also wanted to admit one thing from text. At the end of last part, he says: “Personally, I believe that relationships between parents and a child play an essential role in child's success in school”. And admit it – he believe, he does not know, he just believe. That’s fucking dogmatic, and the science (yeah, psychology is a science) is not a place for dogmas or dogmatic people, because dogmatic type of thinking is for degrading ones.
P.S. Just wanted to say that foul language is like a chili pepper, a bit of it will make your food delicious, but if you will spread on too much, it’ll make impossible to it your food.

[Мысли Вслух] Деградация и юмор

Просто зайдите на ютуб и посмотрите чем занимаются топовые блоггеры типа EeOneGuy или Максим +100500. Серьезно, вы видели чем они занимаются, и какая у них аудитория? У клоунов миллионная аудитория, которые думают, что орать под динамичную музыку и кривляться на камеру, ну или произношенье текста принципа «мат, мат, слово, мат» это пиздец как смешно. Лично я думаю, что измерять насколько человек умен надо по тому, насколько его легко обмануть и что он находит пиздец уморительным, и если для сегодняшних 10-12'летних  детей кривляться под динамичную музыку это «АХАХАХ УМОРА МАМА МАМА ПОСМОТРИ НА НЕГО ЛОООООООООООООЛ», то завтра-послезавтра эти дети посмотрят на замечательного Стенд-ап комика Билла Марра, чей юмор требовал знания про такие вещи как экономика, религия, и скажут «этот седой дядя говорит какие то не смешные вещи, да он идиот», и посмотрят на не менее плохого стенд-ап комика Джорджа Карлина, который шутя рассказывал, что же сегодня твориться в экономике и что говорит церковь, религия, и скажут, мол этот дядя учит нам скучные вещи. Но это еще не пиздец, сейчас интернет разделился на две основные части: псевдо-интеллектуалы, которые насмотрелись роликов Дмитрия Ларина, сделав последнего своим господом-богом всезнающим, который на самом деле та еще лицемерная тварь, и ходят обсирают всяких Ивнагаев, активно копируя Ларина и создавая свои видео-блоги рассказывая про психология и нейро-биологию толком нихуя не зная про эти науки, тем временем фанаты Ивангая так же копируют контент последнего. Ларин хотя-бы дает какой-никакой образовательный контент, а многомиллионная аудитория всяких Ивангаев, Сашей Спилбергов тупеют как могут. Но пиздец состоит в том, что обе стороны фанатичны и слепы, готовы защищать своего лорда господа боженьку Ивангая/Ларина даже если выставят себя идиотами, и когда заметят, что ваши факты есть правда, перейдут на личности, ну к примеру, расскажут о вчерашних похождениях вашей матери, как минимум. Остается только взломать ютуб и в шаблон страницы сделать код, который при входе в ютуб сверху напишет «Оставляй надежду всяко сюда входящий».